dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
