I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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