then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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