My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
