Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
