jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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