My friends, they love my intelligence
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize