Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Houston, we have a blender
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
