I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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