I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
