I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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