i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
