so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
