for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
