I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
