I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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