You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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