if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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