she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
