Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
