We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
