Your mouth is God's brothel.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
