i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
