textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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