I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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