Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
