How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
