if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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