I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
