My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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