god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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