I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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