I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
