the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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