turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
