You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
