There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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