You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
