just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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