doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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