Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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