i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
