Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
