Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize