What did we do last night that was yellow?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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