And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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