Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
