That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
