Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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