dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
