Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
