Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
