All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
