Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
