I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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