i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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