What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
