holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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