every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
