even my farts smell like vagina
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
