The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
