I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
