Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
