just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
