shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's rum buckets o'clock
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
