somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
