I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
