I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
