Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
