i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
