She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
