It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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