It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
